I always wanted a boy and a girl, preferably in that order. I have older brothers and I loved that I always had them looking out for me growing up (as well as tormenting me, but it’s funny how we so easily forget the bad stuff as we grow older). Hubby and I were married five years before Douglas was born. Doesn’t seem like an eternity, but boy it must have felt that way to eager friends and family. I can’t tell you how many people asked us in those 5 years, “Soooo. Are you going to have any kids??” We would kindly reply that although yes we DID want kids, we wanted to selfishly be husband and wife for a little bit. We allowed ourselves five years to be only just that.

After Douglas was born (and our titles changed to Mom and Dad), we couldn’t remember our lives without him. He was perfect and our family felt complete. Except, it wasn’t. We knew we wanted just one more. A lifelong friend for Douglas. Another child to spoil with kisses and adore. Our little girl. Douglas was around 8 months and although we didn’t really TRY to conceive, we certainly didn’t try NOT to… so after feeling those familiar symptoms that I felt just under a year before, I took a spare pregnancy test I had from my TTC days and there were the words as bright as day: Pregnant. I woke up my husband and quietly said, “uhh, babe? Guess what?” His sleepy reply (and I’ll never forget it) was, “let me guess…” 😉

We knew it wouldn’t be easy, having two under 2. Douglas was exactly a year and a half when his baby sister was born. He wasn’t old enough to understand that mommy needed to divvy up her time between two babies, with more of the time spent on Violet for obvious reasons. He would try to pull her off of me when I breastfed and tell me “ouch!” (as if he was helping me realize I had a milk-sucking leech feeding off of me). He began accepting our new family dynamic more and more as time passed. It was hard to give each child exactly 50%, which is what I intended to do. I’d make up for lost time with Douglas with some quality mommy-son reading sessions… and then Violet would wake up crying from a nap. I’d look down at Douglas and although he may not have understood why, he eventually figured out that reading time had to stop when Violet said so. His big, sad brown eyes broke my heart, but he would watch me walk out of the room and he didn’t fuss once.

Although it didn’t seem like it’d be fun for him, I made sure to include him in everything… and THAT really helped him break the ice with Violet. He proudly helped me get clean diapers, a pacifier, a burp cloth, or just to make Violet smile. He would hold up his Lightening McQueen car and say, “Violet, RED car! RED!” I couldn’t have asked for a better sibling dynamic. Once he found and accepted his role as big brother, he couldn’t have possibly shown her any more affection. His favorite phrase is “baby cuuuute!!!” and he clenches his teeth and his eyes widen when he says it… so you know he really means it. 🙂

Violet is now 3.5 months and Douglas is 21 months. It’s gotten MUCH easier. I am conscious about not leaving Douglas out of activities, even if it is just making dinner or feeding the cat. I also make sure to still hold and rock and sway him to music, like we used to do pre-Violet. I often have to remind myself that he’s not even 2. He needs his mommy as much as she does. She may be fussy and getting her first tooth, but he’s getting his molars and that deserves a big mommy hug too. I have learned to combine activities. For instance now when we read I Love You Through and Through, all three of us lay down in bed and I kiss each of them as the pages call out. One nose kiss for Douglas, one nose kiss for Violet. One ear tug for Douglas. One ear tug for Violet. He giggles throughout and is truly happy that we have another to share in our play and our immense love for one another.

Now we can’t remember our lives before Douglas AND Violet. Sure, we have two in diapers, two drinking from bottles, two needing (ahem. wanting) to be carried all the time, two waking up in the middle of the night, and two vying for mom and dad’s constant attention… but I truly wouldn’t want it any other way.

By Denise